I’ve done it.
I’ve been single for (pretty much) a year. I haven’t accomplished that since freshman year of high school. I’ve always been dating somebody, from one person to the next, for the last eight or nine years.
Then I stopped. I won’t get into my personal story–I just want to get into how it’s felt, and honestly, it’s felt good.
I used to think that dating showed you what you want in somebody. But I don’t anymore. I used to think that dating made you grow. But I don’t anymore. I’ve easily grown more in this past year than I have in the previous four years combined. What have I learned after being single for a year?
Love Is Much Too Irrational
Look, love is great. Love is supposed to be irrational, but only to a certain extent. Can you remember the insane ups and downs of a past relationship? I used to be like a character on a soap opera. It’s no good to be like this. We need to have a pinch of logic thrown into the mix. Falling in love shouldn’t be quick.
You Want What You Can’t Have Anyway
Some of my friends in relationships lament that they can’t be single. I lament that I’m not with somebody. It spins around and around. There will always be a part of you wishing for something else. It’s nice to realize that somebody wants what I have–it keeps me sane.
You Get To Listen To Yourself
Ever sit down in a public place without a cell phone? What happens? Your mind wanders, right? You start noticing everything. You start thinking about memories, about people. You notice nature.
These moments are powerful, aren’t they? Personally I get this feeling like I shouldn’t be anywhere else when sitting by myself sometimes.
You get these moments when you’re single. You get to listen to yourself. The ability to be nowhere, with no one, is yours, and it’s addicting.
All Your Other Relationships Get A Lift
Ever heard of opportunity cost? Leave it to the marketing guy to talk about this. Opportunity cost is basically what you’re giving up when you make a decision. When you decide to have a go at a relationship, your friendships will suffer. There’s just not enough time for everyone.
Last year I reunited with my best friends in Vegas, and I got to live in Orlando with my other best friends too. I’m happy that I got to invest time in my friendships this past year that would’ve otherwise been invested in some sort of BAE.
There’s Less Stress
Honestly though. Relationships come with so much extra stress. And I’m not even talking about fighting–I’m talking about the weight of trying to impress family members and making it to dinner on time. There’s nowhere to be. Stress eliminated. There’s no dinner to pay for. Stress eliminated. There’s no more sleep deprivation because you’re trying to sort through a problem. HALLELUJIAH.
It’s Not All Peachy, Though
You do see couples. You do see pretty girls. You do wish. It’s not all butterflies and rainbows to be single, it’s more of a hard grind that’s making you better. It’s like one of those intense workouts you did for sports in high school. It kind of sucks, but there’s this honor and pride you feel when you’re in it. You feel strong–confident.
In conclusion I’ve learned from my singleness this past year. I’ve enjoyed the time with my friends. I’ve enjoyed the time to myself. I’ve enjoyed the freedom it’s given me.
I know myself now more than I ever have, and I guess I’ve learned about myself more than anything during this stretch of single-ness.