I’m coming under fire. I’ve come under fire from a lot of different directions–like work, my friends, and even myself.
It seems like every day someone new is getting on my case about something. But to all the people reading this–please don’t close the window. This is not a boo-hoo story. This is a love letter.
This is me being honest. This is me expressing frustration. But most of all this is me thanking you for being hard on me. Please keep reading.
When someone tells you something you don’t want to hear, it’s not easy. I hate it when people tell me I need to change my ways. It sucks. It’s normally accompanied by a couple hours of me tumbling into a horrendous mood. Yes, it can ruin my day.
Sometimes I wish those friends would apologize to me. Scratch that. Every time I wish they would apologize to me. For some reason, the thought of someone being upset by my actions drives me absolutely mad. I’d rather someone inflict physical damage to me than emotional. But I reckon I’m not alone in this thinking.
The worst part is wondering whether you’re right or wrong–because nobody thinks they’re wrong. We always think we’re justified. How could anybody possibly know my situation? I wasn’t even trying to hurt them!
How do we know whether we’re right or wrong? Because the other person apologizes or not? No. I apologize for things I shouldn’t all the time. We know we’re wrong a few days after the fact. That’s when we’ll know.
After it marinates in our mind for a few days.
I always like to think that when we tell people off, they hear it even though they don’t hear it. They may disagree, they may get angry, but those words are with them now, and they get to carry that around for a few days after.
I’m such a mental person(in more ways than one). A lot happens in my head, and sometimes my friends don’t understand that. When they say stuff to me, it seeps in, and when they get angry with me, I’d rather someone punch me in the face.
Shit sucks. Period.
I’ll let you in on a secret.
I don’t have life figured out. Yeah, I’m traveling, but I’m grinding. I have ENOUGH to worry about. Don’t we all? The easiest thing for me to do in this situation is alienate myself from them. Make them the bad guy. Surround myself with different people.
But the truth is, like many things in life, doing the opposite of what we want is normally what’s best for us. Besides, I don’t even really want to alienate myself from them. I’m just angry. I let my emotions roam for everyone to see. I write everything I feel. I guess I can’t expect other people to do the same.
But what I can expect is for them to take a second to understand how I am. In exchange, I’ll take their words, think about them, and express my gratitude for them giving it to me.
For them caring enough, and trusting my understanding enough, to give me some criticism.
I think that’s one of the hidden things we never think about. That other person is actually putting a great deal of trust in you when they give you criticism. They’re trusting that you’ll understand. And I honestly don’t want to lose that trust.
I want someone to tell me when I messed up, or when my life might not be heading in the best direction.
I think that at some point we all come face to face with our biggest flaws, or our biggest mistake, and 90 percent of us choose to continue living the way we were.
That’s one of my biggest causes of regret. Because I chose to continue on the path I was on. It’s so hard to swallow pride. The things that hurt the most are also the things that sharpen us the most into the person we were meant to be.
It seems like accepting criticism and changing is about as difficult as scaling Everest in the moment, when in reality it’s the most crucial, easy decision we can make.
I don’t think anyone can say they didn’t see the fork in the road. We all have, and do, and will.
That’s why I’m thankful today.
My life isn’t anywhere near where I want it to be. And yes, sometimes the criticism from my friends isn’t spot on, but it pays to listen.
I don’t trust myself to find my flaws.
And I’ll continue to begrudgingly listen. I’ll continue to get angry and then be fine in a couple days. I want it. I want to be the best person that I can possibly be, and I know the price for that is a couple heated sessions of criticism, followed by a change.
No matter the circumstance, try to listen to criticism.
So, to all of my friends reading, continue doing what you’re doing. Take care with it, of course, but continue. I’m ready. I’m listening.
In closing, I honestly believe it’s the most humble woman/man that becomes the best of us all, because they’re not afraid to listen, and change. And that’s the kind of person I’m trying to emulate each and every day.